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buildings with a hundred floors,
spinning 'round revolving doors.
baby i don't know where they'll take me.

entries about misc links




OG V31
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In the eyes of the beholder
and TVfXQ!YunJae fan. <33

Monday, December 27, 2010 // 6:46 AM



Cassiopeia, thank you.
Because our hearts had not changed. Because we are still here.
Therefore, I can still see such pretty pictures of you, and them.


It was October when I opened a Microsoft Word file and read through my past TVXQ anniversaries' entries, preparing to write a beautiful entry for our precious boys - something which I had not been doing much these days. My habits had not change in the past few years, whereby anniversaries and birthdays entries were months earlier written and scheduled to post at 11AM. That day, I forced my attention on the 4-word file name, but in spite of that, I was unable to type a single word.

I continued to open that file at least once a week, and I will invariably spend half a day staring at my white coloured keys, ending up closing the document. "I am so not inspired right now." I  will grant pardon to myself.

Yesterday, I read through all my previous blog entries, I read my joy with honour when TVXQ topped every charts or made another progress in their career, I read how I appreciate their talents with every fibre of my being, I read my tears of exasperation, of desperation to be understood, I read how my hopes and faith were raised, crashed and revived, I read my love for the five boys... 

I opened the 4-word file once again, and at last, I hit 'backspace' on my keyboard - deleting the number '6' and changing it to '7'. At that moment, I then realised another year had passed, another year had indeed passed.

What can I do? It seemed that it was impossible for me write a poetic post for their 7th anniversary like how I did for the previous years, I had so much to say though, the overflowing emotions and expressions I never got to fully expressed them, I wanted to write, scream my lungs out and tell every soul who are reading this entry.. I... I.... if only I can find the right words.

Can I forgive myself this time as well?

Words failed me but still a happy anniversary to the brightest five stars, let's be stronger, shine even brighter and soar even higher.

"As you do so. Our faith will be stronger." - Kim JaeJoong


"Say that you always love me, you are the only one I know."
1 Comments

1 Comments:

Blogger My Linh said...

Nings, sorry I wasn't there
sorry I drug myself to sleep on their 7th anniversary
sorry that I have not listened to any of their songs for the past few months
sorry that I do not download any of their new songs after W into my itouch
sorry I stay away from the fandom war - and the messy aftermath

because I cried my eyes out in the middle of Boston when I heard Believe in a small shop. Literally, right there when Su's voice set fire to every nerve in my body.

I only want to love them easy, support their songs not blindly and I only care for the fact that I love them. The Homin boycott hurts me terribly - who are these people I thought as friends, Cassie - or self-claimed-Cassie, what's going on?

The truth is, I am tired as well - there is too much on my plate right now it's not even healthy. I do think of u whenever bad news come and worry for your emotion well being. I want to tell you to hang in there, and I support your belief - no matter what it is. I don't give up on DBSK - but I have already let go of a large part of Cassie. It's pointless making these girls understand how much they are hurting each and every member

in this deserted town, up in the mountains where I live now, there isn't much light when darkness envelops me. i still look up and search for Cassiopeia every time I walk back late from the library. And because of their light, I walk faster, I am stronger. This encouragement and inspiration - this is what DBSK - each and every individual ofthe 5 boys that makes them DBSK - means to me, and I dont give a damn what other say anymore.

3:30 AM  

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