How long it was since I entered "blogger.com" in my address bar? A little more than a month, and so much had happened - both good and the bad. I have gotten myself a full-time job and I am also proud to say I have been handling things pretty well.

I realized that I might be happier if I am with a girl. 


OK, that was a crazy random thought.

It just struck me that I can't, and I don't know how, to use the sweet tone to males. It is a seldom or a never that I'm able to feel anything close to "omg falling in love is so friggin amazing" or the cliche "butterflies in your stomach" thing -- I'm just going to left feeling fucking irritated instead.

Oh yeah, please do keep in mind that whenever I talk about anything like that, our precious five boys are a different story, lol.

When it comes to girls, however, it's just different, especially those that treat me well. Time to think about my sexuality? Lol, I kid.

Apart from that, I'm fascinated once again how fate actually works. I'm not sure if this particular special person will drop by here, but I'm really glad to meet her despite that I've no make-up on, my hair tied in a messy lazy ponytail and in the ugliest waitress uniform -- what circumstance!

Stilllllllll, it's nice, really. :'D



.
.
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My sweetheart. I feel happiness swelling in me whenever I take a look at it. It's in the preeeeetieeest and babiest pink, I can't even lolol.

... My iPod died though. It was kind of depressing. I mean this lovely baby accompanied me through my bus/MRT rides, my midnight walks and when I was sad and needed an escape... things like that.



I love you even though you aren't anywhere near pink but a ugly blue. xx

And you guys know how much I adore it whenever JaeJung wears anything pink. ;D

It's too big, and too unfamiliar but something about the confinement is comforting and I am feeling at ease. The walls are painted a simple light grayish-brown; nothing is harsh, all flowing together in perfect harmony. I have the sense that I am at the beach, but the window is too far away and the peace I feel is too strong to rouse me.

It started off as something I thought was fundamental to survive and I'm very surprised how I had became a part of it. I'm glad, and it was all worth it - to walk out of the comfort zone and take the first step to get familiar with complete strangers. I felt new feelings entering my world, felt my heart surging in and absorbing the impact; I feel more like a human.

I really can't wait until the sun comes out.
The heat.
The happiness.
The adventures and more to come.

"He shot right through my heart." Best cheesy line for this picture ever lol. ♥

I graduated from the school being very proud of myself. I never, once, had the thirst of getting better despite being glad about my assignment. It certainly had been 2 long weeks -- the despair of losing my thumb-drive and having to re-do every single thing, the stubborn codes which refused to appear correctly, the disappointing words by my lecturer telling me how much I had lacked, the countless midnights I struggled with the shitty program just so I can meet my expectations, and last but not least the feeling of achievement when things were done and compliments were heard. Delighted, it sure had measured my self-worth.

you know what I hate the most? - I hate the B+ the most. It's not a C - aka Can't-do-this kinda grade. Somehow, it's so much better if it is because a B++ = the half-ass or last minute effort of someone who has the full potential of being an A grade student but fall short because of his/her lack of determination. - PM Linh

After this project, I then decided that I don't want a "B" grade in my life anymore and I will never be satisfied by that -- very much because I had read that awesome entry linked above -- when I had so much to offer and so many places I can improve! I see so much potential in myself if I actually worked hard so never, ever, in my life am I going to say, "I will be glad if I had a 'B' grade."

So, I had known them for 2 years and despite that being short, has never made the difference of how I am right now than the past any less obvious. They like love letters, meeting up with their boyfriends while I cringe at cheesy and prefer chilling in-front of my computer. They adore ice-cream and cakes while I think chili padis can make people happy.

We had so much differences in us, but they were the very first friends who doesn't laugh at the love I had for my five boys, who doesn't hate me just since I am not social enough for them, who wasn't tired by my overly-emotional and unemotional self (lol), who never showed so much concern just because I'm a vegetarian... I appreciate their existence a lot, really. ;')

And and and and and, I had passed my final theory test! \O/
Dad suggested me taking auto, probably not having faith at me and I was agreeable to it at first but I thought it is a pity that I didn't give manual a try. It is a choice I took long enough to decide, but hey, I don't want to live in regrets that I didn't challenge myself with manual.

PS: I need more heels.
PPS: I hope I can continue holding onto these happiness for a very long time. There's so much being planned for the near future to grasp onto and I can't wait for them to be confirmed as well. xo

I don't want to exist any more; I want to drive this fork -that I'm holding- into my eye, twisting it around and around, gathering more flesh and blood around its tongs. Pain and fear will begin to pulse rapidly through my nerves and veins. Welcome home! I will say to myself. Into the dark! -Let's rejoice! Weep wounds weep! Rid yourself of this putrid body! Go, be free!

I can't let him stay. He's going to leave me, only because he has something better to offer this world. I have nothing. Nothing but sad little words, a fake smile, and a weakening ambition to experience life, the universe and everything.

I think I need help. Although, I don't know what anyone can do for me. I'm the only one that can help myself and I seem to be lost in the woods. It's approaching dusk and darkness is about to open its sleep-encrusted eyes. In my idleness, during Darkness' night-time games, my feet grew roots that dug deep into the ground. I struggle with sanity in this reality of mine. I need my saner half but she's nowhere to be seen. I hear her crying out to me.. Softly.. And she's gone until I lay myself down to slumber. -That's when the voices come. I dream of trees; of dirt and the open sky. I need to find her. I'm preparing myself for what is to happen next.

If I die in the woods, keep me there. Do not bring me back to this meaningless jungle, with all these haggard faces and repulsive noises.

- http://ieatleaves.blogspot.com/2011/01/unknown-title.html

P/S: Never thought that I would need to smile; I don't need the extra friendship anyway, I can be alone, but now I realised how helpful it was - it gives me the ability to survive.

I know I'm late, but what's blog when there's Twitter? Most importantly when the boys are there and not here lol.

Still this is an entry for him, because there's a need to.

To the most awesomeest man alive, and that still doesn't do him justice.

He is hot, he had the body to die for, he is talented, he is dorky and clumsy, he is smart, and he is everything I always thought a man should be.

Now multiply that by five hundred. You still don't get the picture. He is still better than your best dream.

I love you, and thank you for everything, literally.
I'll see you again this April, my hunny funny bunny. :D

王子様はすっごいセクシーだし、最高。☠ (You're awesome and sexy, the best! - Don't ever use Google translator, that thing is a big fail lol.)  

With this, let me continue looping JYJ's Music Essay.  -- "I want chu be mai perse babbeeeyyyy~" - I.D.S

I was way too easy on myself.  That I actually allowed, me, myself to get entangled in such a messy situation. I had completely got out of control and stepped onto the unfamiliar grounds which are forbidden. The terrible emotions brought me into reality that there's no point clinging onto nothingness and waiting for a miracle to happen. 

You can't anticipate further than this. You can't start hoping things in a positive light and gets you feeling even worse. You can't throw away your pride and dignity for something you aren't even sure of. You can't.... No more girl, no more.

Had the most ridiculous dream, maybe not the most yet, but my dreams had been getting rather silly lately; most of the time involving my brother who is enjoying his life and having fun at Malaysia at this moment.

It must be because I miss behaving all ridiculous with him; or I just miss him, simply.

Then again, the dream was about elephants. (Mr. Kim JaeJoong is always relevant in my life. Thanks. And speaking of elephants, I have that as my layout now, don't ask me why, I don't even know.) But hey, I sent him a few texts despite knowing his cellphone is at home and not at Malaysia l m a o. Got to be crazy enough.

Thanks to those who interfered my prection beliefs, I need some advices.

Seriously, I don't think anyone can comprehend what that person's brain is whirling about. What's up with those artistic, indirect hints? Or were they mere things to get in my hair? (I see that I'm making you think now lol.)

No idea, and I've got no energy nor time to calculate the additions and divisions if I replied, "Nuuuuuhhhh, you are such a baaaars-steeerd, it's youuuuuuuuuuuuu like since feerrrabber, silly boy."

I just want my brother back. :(


P/S: Someone, grab the 5 members of TVXQ and lock them up in a room. Let them punch each other and lash it out. There's too much miscommunication that it's looking and sounding like a Korean drama - "fights between friends, big companies with lots of power, and a lot of really great music thrown in there." Ngl, I might be the first to laugh my heads off if I'm not part of this fandom.

It started out simply as a contract to be altered, now it had became an ugly war between ourselves and themselves and now, what's worse? The friendship lost.

The lengthy translations via twitlonger, they made me cry - too easily. It was depressing to know too much but you're the same helpless being.

Cassiopeia. Apart from being the largest fandom in the world, apart from how we never fail to give our boys' the biggest support and make them the number 1 on all charts, it was the unity we shared, our bond, our love and care towards each other despite total strangers that made me feel so proud to say, "Hey, I am a Cassiopeia."

I had never believe in any friendships particularly ever since that accident so long ago I couldn't remember how many years, but I had always thought Cassiopeia is on a different level, like family members, yet not quite there, like best friends, but definitely more than that.

I abhor -- more of disappointed though, how we are bashing because of our difference in our thoughts and thinkings. I'm not saying I am supportive of their decisions made, even though I am thwarted and I do feel that fan-sites should remain neutral despite everyone had their own opinions, but couldn't people see that bashing each other wouldn't be helping anything, it destroys the bond and harmony we previously had.

I truly hope that this fandom can remain how we were previously, even though our point of views are thoroughly different, but we should be more understanding rather than getting enraged, no matter how absurd their reasons are or how ridiculous of where they are coming from.

It was October when I opened a Microsoft Word file and read through my past TVXQ anniversaries' entries, preparing to write a beautiful entry for our precious boys - something which I had not been doing much these days. My habits had not change in the past few years, whereby anniversaries and birthdays entries were months earlier written and scheduled to post at 11AM. That day, I forced my attention on the 4-word file name, but in spite of that, I was unable to type a single word.

I continued to open that file at least once a week, and I will invariably spend half a day staring at my white coloured keys, ending up closing the document. "I am so not inspired right now." I  will grant pardon to myself.

Yesterday, I read through all my previous blog entries, I read my joy with honour when TVXQ topped every charts or made another progress in their career, I read how I appreciate their talents with every fibre of my being, I read my tears of exasperation, of desperation to be understood, I read how my hopes and faith were raised, crashed and revived, I read my love for the five boys... 

I opened the 4-word file once again, and at last, I hit 'backspace' on my keyboard - deleting the number '6' and changing it to '7'. At that moment, I then realised another year had passed, another year had indeed passed.

What can I do? It seemed that it was impossible for me write a poetic post for their 7th anniversary like how I did for the previous years, I had so much to say though, the overflowing emotions and expressions I never got to fully expressed them, I wanted to write, scream my lungs out and tell every soul who are reading this entry.. I... I.... if only I can find the right words.

Can I forgive myself this time as well?

Words failed me but still a happy anniversary to the brightest five stars, let's be stronger, shine even brighter and soar even higher.

"As you do so. Our faith will be stronger." - Kim JaeJoong

I was reading my entries dated back 2 years ago and I realised how bitchy and awesome I am; like this one: http://orij-gnin.blogspot.com/2009/12/this-picture.html. To be honest, I kind of like the attitude I had though, it feels like my writing improved but I got even more emotional and un-human-ish and wtf all the sad entries -______-


So I shall be, for the next sentence.


Ok, that's two sentences.


Let's all be proud peacocks today, because it's TVXQ Day, and because the day we had been waiting for two years is finally arriving and because Cassiopeia is so fucking awesome muahahahahahahaha.

A realization, a heavy fog that has been lifted.
I wander the paths laid out in my head and the paths across this land.
One way or another, I walk alone and I will come to an end.
There, I will be forced to make a decision at a halt, ending my existence as a wanderer.

For years I have felt so hallow, so void of emotion. But today I sit here with absolutely nothing to do, and I'm thankful for the times that I carry too much upon my back. I've realized that I am full to the brim with emotions. I go day to day ignoring how much I feel for the sake of my sanity. If I stop to wonder, I just might tip over and spill. Today, I'm overflowing. I feel so much right now that everything hurts. My hands tingle with longing, my chest aches with love, and my head is swimming with highs and lows. My legs ache from the burden I put upon them on a daily basis. I wasn't hoping for this, nor did I really see any of this, but I am open to it and I am accepting it.

Today, I will lay in my bed and imagine where you are. Sitting beside you on your adventure. I'll read and become restless, entwining my hands through handfuls of bedsheets, imagining your fingers laced through mine. I could do something to keep my mind distracted, but I won't because I like the way you make me feel.

I miss you.



Their interviews and JYJ (especially JJ's) tweets are making me very depressed at 3:23AM. I feel like a huge mess.

How are all the Cassiopeia today?

I thought of the line in Heading to the Ground that effected me deeply -- "The sun only rises when the sky is at its darkest. Therefore, the dimmer it is, the nearer we are to the sunrise."

With the latest news about JYJ performing at KBS 2010 Awards, Homin's (I'm still trying to get used to this old yet new term) Tohoshinki's single, TVXQ's comeback and Junsu's musical, I do actually feel that finally things had beginning to take shape.

It might not be five like we initially hoped for, but I couldn't ask for more from Santa Claus this year -- for our boys to be always happy, for our boys to stand on the stage and sing.

"All the good news these few days has been quite unnerving, in a good though weird way. I think Cassiopeia has been so uptight with every piece of news/rumor that we're no longer the same fandom compared to 2 years ago. We became more wary of the media/co-operations. And maybe in some ways, we've lost that bit of innocence in our belief that the world is more good than bad. (It probably is still more good than bad; just that we've been exposed to the dark side so much in recent times that we've become more discerning fan-girls/boys.) In other words, we've grown; we've matured through the tears, laughter, pains and triumphs.

At the same time, we're encountering two opposing forces that are uniting us and tearing us apart at the same time. But these forces come from within us. It's ultimately up to us to decide whether we'll let ourselves be destroyed by the divisive forces or become truly the best fandom by coming together as one. All the claims about being the best fandom in the world will come to naught if we allow ourselves to be divided in such critical times.

On a more positive and festive note, this fandom will undoubtedly receive the most from Santa this Christmas because we've been put through a non-stop roller coaster ride. I really think it's about time that this fandom be given a good, relaxing festive season. Here's an advance Merry Micky Christmas from me to all my fellow Cassies and our dearest boys. ♥" - @janetmphosis

Meanwhile, our red Cassiopeia lightsticks held high, glowing the brightest in the dark, I will continue to wished for their paths to cross each other one day.

This is a bit irrelevant, but Happy Birthday Junsu! ♥

Had been looping Christmas-y songs by After School and AKB48 (omfzg) since yesterday that I really do think I'm crazy especially when I'm not a fan of happy tracks nor a Christmas person.

And YAY! A multi-coloured!happy blogskin finally. Plus it features Nana from After School! She's totally one of my favourite girls because she's so pretty and doll-like (i'm a shallow person *__*). Had always wanted to try something grey-scale with at least 3 colours, but they are forever ended up gloomy, dark, and just plain and white fml. It's snowing too wtf lol. By the way, I had a TVXQ layout done and coded as well :D because their special day is arriving and I miss them.



After all the ballads downloaded and played over and over again, after all the tears shed and dried and after all the encouragements said to oneself, it was embarrassing to admit that after the so many days I had lost count of, I did not feel better, not slightly, not at all.

I've no idea how to soothe this too unfamiliar ache in my heart and I admire those who are capable of carrying this painful sorrow with a smile on their faces everyday. 


I'm feeling like saudade—

A word difficult to translate adequately, which describes a deep emotional state of nostalgic longing for something or someone that one was fond of and which is lost. It often carries a fatalist tone and a repressed knowledge that the object of longing might really never return.

As a "vague and constant desire for something that does not and probably cannot exist ... a turning towards the past or towards the future".

As "the love that remains" or "the love that stays" after someone is gone. Saudade is the recollection of feelings, experiences, places or events that once brought excitement, pleasure, well-being, which now triggers the senses and makes one live again. It can be described as an emptiness, like someone or something that should be there in a particular moment is missing, and the individual feels this absence.

"Have you ever questioned why there were always big winds before the season which the fruits fully ripens?"  

My religion mate asked me this the previous Saturday. I had never wondered, nor even knew about it.

I told him my general knowledge towards the Earth and Nature are shallow. He then continued asking me, "Don't you feel that the gods were a little unfair? If there aren't big winds, more fruits could have riped before they fell onto the ground due the to strong impact. Imagine those fruits which had to be thrown away, what a waste."

I kept silent, knowing he had so much more to share. I waited in anticipation of the next part of his story. My eyes fixed onto his, showing interest and awaiting.

"They said the big winds was to eliminate fruits in a bad shape. Only fruits which can successfully withstand the strong pressure are the good ones and they will be the only ones which will be fully ripen and later on consumed."

The beauty of nature, of the gods' creation.

Then again, doesn't this applies to all human beings like me, like you and like our boys as well? They take the good with the bad, but in the end, they come out stronger and shine brighter. They are truly what every human should be.

Sometimes I do wonder what will happened if they didn't file that lawsuit on that particular year. I know, and we all know and are certain of, they will still be topping the charts, still be epic as ever.

But really, what I'm most definite of at this moment is that, it will be a shame if they didn't file the lawsuit.

Listen and hear the new songs they composed. See how much they had improved. Especially Pierrot, they are now linking a pantomime character or external resources to their music, to their performances (e.g. the white masks during Pierrot), it's just fucking amazing. Most importantly, we got to hear their determination through lyrics, their emotions, their thoughts, their music. Would we able to hear such good pieces if they didn't file the lawsuit? Sadly, no, that bloody company is there to tie them down of their talents.

Have I mentioned how much I appreciate their Twitter existence? I remembered how much I was almost protesting the idea because the thought of them having stalkers are.... freaky, but it is a total different story right now.

It wasn't just because we could see Junsu's half-naked selcas, Yoochun's fan-service and Jaejoong's I-love-yous. Instead, it was because I can see the side of them, the kindness and how truly genuine and appreciative they are of the world despite how unfamiliar and how difficult the situation as of now. It was rare isn't it, to be able to see this actually exists in famous celebrities? Hell, it's rare to see this in normal human beings.

Therefore, I'm glad, really glad. So glad that sometimes.... I wondered if I'm worth to be their fan, when all I could give was love and support and they are always there, always prepared to give us even more.


My boys. Fly. Soar.

When the clouds clear, when the days of sorrow are over, we'll be met with joy, reconciliation and happiness.

4:42AM
quarrelled with mum 5 hours ago
had to prepare for school in less than an  hour
suffering from insomnia
dong bang shin ki on loop
consoling, comforting ....

Double J is truly a sweet heart isn't he? He always come across my mind as the most dedicated and grateful person. I couldn't put this in words, but I love him so much for this. :'))


Just thought that it's time I dig out the deepest of my heart, I think it's safe to.... at least.

Despite how everyone felt differently towards this issue, I knew deep inside it wasn't this way, not anymore.

It was not a few days ago I realised you are not just another friend of mine. Would it be too much if I say that you are more like a soul-mate? Because a soul-mate pushes your buttons and pisses you off a regular basis, and they are the only one (other than your parents, of course) who makes you face your shit.

While you are chasing after my shadow, while I appeared nonchalant and annoyed, while this and while that, I'm getting so used to them. Have you wondered how I had slowly relied on your bullshits which made me frustrated and crazy?

I hate how I read in between the lines even though I didn't want to, I hate the salts of ambiguity, I hate the world in between black and white...

Like how I expected of you, you walked to the another end and found another new-found happiness. I was too difficult, and I think you wanted someone easier. I was too worried about you, and I didn't have the spirit to face the aftermath of the decision.

Not that I had regretted of course. If not for that, then there will never be this. There's no heartbreak, things ended clean. I wouldn't die because you aren't by my side, even though there would definitely be times when I missed those moments and how my heart had memorised how I felt then, but I wouldn't feel sad because I did.

Because love is all about finding someone you can't live without........ and you are certainly not the one.
Because I just thought you are someone whom I thought it will be nice to be with.

Everything back then belonged to the past, not the present, and I'm certain they are not going to be part of the future as well.

Stay healthy. Stay happy. Get a girl who is worth with what you can give.


p/p/s: I'm amazed how much I had changed as a person during this 2 years. I wondered what will happened if I actually worked hard for my "O" levels and ended up in another place? What would be in store for me in the road not taken? I'm all zen with the issues now. Just, boy, if you can't accept me when I'm in my worst and get pissed off, then lol, you don't the hell deserve my best either.

Warning: Jaejoong bias.

I woke up on that day and still not feeling the excitement, I was so calm that I didn't even went to the airport to welcome them to Singapore. On the contrary, as exaggerated as it may sound, the air was so much fresher with them breathing it along with us lol.

Reached the venue at around 3PM+ish to help with some O! stuffs. By doing some promotion by giving out our cards etc. Met loads of fans from the overseas, I think there's quite a number from Japan, Malaysia and China.

Met a few of my Twitter mates, and I'd the chance to watch fancams taken during the airport and ah, that's when I went totally frenzy. The only words that could came out of my month was, "Omg it's really Jaejoong." LOL.



O! Shirt.




Promotional cards and stickers.




TVXQ's lightstick and that little red rectangular thing was actually a customized chocolate.




And this is the most interesting part of the chocolate lol. Since it couldn't be seen clearly....

Ingredients:  Jaejoong, Yoochun, Junsu, Vocal Ability, Harmony and Melody, Dancing Skills, Gaging Skills, Looks, Height, Fashion, Record-breaking Singles and Albums, Friendship, Unity, Teamwork, Cassiopeia, Bigeast, iCassies, Love, Belief, Hope, Faith.

May cause intoxication, nosebleeds, heart attack, excessive fangirl/boy-ing.

The hilarious thing was, while queueing to get inside the hall, the door opened the fucking second I was eating my chocolate, and I got so nervous and jumpy that everyone around me were commenting how the chocolate actually contains those stuffs. .__.

The guards were very strict regarding the whole no photo-taking/video-ing rule. I had about three guards around my area, and it was impossible to even take out your camera despite that you had succeeded sneaking one in.

Still, I thought my seat wasn't that bad as I had imagined, so yes, everything went well and I bought "The Beginning Regular Edition".





I'm still waiting for the limited edition box to be released and so CDJapan and pali ship my copy over.

...

And so, the lights dimmed, and everyone light up their red lightsticks creating a red ocean. Never in my life I could imagine that I would be part of it this fast. The red ocean was beyond pretty that I couldn't even describe how I felt at the moment. It was wonderful.



Our gods rose from the middle in white, with the song "Empty". Jaejoong was wearing a white blazer, buttoned up, along with white pants. It was different from the Korea's showcase. His moobs can be seeeen lol, and his tattoo as well kekekekekekekeke. He's handsome and gorjaeous (please don't mistake this word for gorgeous, they are two very different things), and I was going, "OMG OMG OMG IT'S JAEJOOOOOONG!" Ahem. LOL.

The next song was, "Be The One", and fuck their hip thrust *____*

A video, "To You from JYJ" was played when they left the stage. They were soooooooo cute, smiling and cute and smiling yeah. I was squealing, literally.

Next performance on stage was, "Be My Girl". This is when I had relaxed and was really listening to their singing and such. But the dance moves for "Baby baby baby baby baby" part was so.......... ohmygodsun. They then left the stage with Yoochun's "Thank you!".

Another video about their days in L.A was played. I tear a bit listening the American producers speak every word of praise about our boys, and most of the time, it was how hard they are willing to work. I felt so proud of them that the emotions then were undescribable. I want to applause for them, give them a pat on their shoulder, for going through so much, and succeeding so much at the end. Boys, you guys have done well!

Later on, the MC came on stage and introduced the, "Be My Hubby Project". There were a total of three steps, first is to say "Annyeonghasaeyo", and followed by, "Saranghaeyo Jaejoong, Yoochun, Junsu" and lastly sing the chorus of "Ayyyy Girl". After a number of practices (which we terribly failed to sing), the translator was invited and our boys were back on stage again with a different outfit. Jaejoong had a t-shirt, a jacket and jeans on.

MC asked them to introduced themselves, Junsu said it in the normal Korean way, Yoochun said, "Hi guys. My name is Micky!" in English, while Jaejoong said, "Hi, how are you? I'm JJ." in English as well. He was so damn adorable I can't even, and I really thought my life had ended that moment he introduced himself that way.

The MC asked them some questions. One of them were regarding their habits, and Junsu answered he prefers the chorus at the left side, Jaejoong loves it at the right, and Yoochun said, "On top."

I don't really remembered the details, but Jaejoong did mentioned that he couldn't believe he was working with Kanye West until he saw him at the recording studio, Yoochun and Jaejoong were pushing most of the questions to Junsu to answer (LOL). There's also a part when the MC asked who's the one who cries easily, and we answered, "Yooochuuun~". He then admitted he almost wanted to cry when he received the album.

MC (his name is Ken by the way) asked one of them to dance their favourite dance move, and the whole hall was chanting, "Junsu! Junsu!". He danced the omgsun "Baby baby baby baby baby" part lol, which I don't think that was his favourite dance move but he knows that we love it LOL.

As usual, the most frequent question about their ideal partner, the whole hall was screaming "Yunho!" or "U-Know" (including me) when Jaejoong was answering the question. He was, "Hai~" "Hai~" which a smile, and later on covered his mouth and laughed like the usual we see on DVDs. I guess all of us know what answer he gave and he added that, "It doesn't matter as long as the person likes him." Junsu were going shaking his head and waving his hand at him with disapproval, meaning it was a lie lmao. But he was neglected (lol like usual) because the MC was paying attention to Yoochun instead.

In the middle of the small interview, Yoochun was constantly teasing the translator, he was so nervous and his Korean sentences' phrasings were weird lol. In the end, it was Yoochun who was translating for Jaejoong and Junsu instead. *laughs*

We did the Hubby Project, and we phaaaaaailed to sing again. Yoochun and Jaejoong were guiding us with their amazing harmony (it's like an accapella version of Ayyy Girl)  but we still suck. Ken commented in English, "You guys are busy screaming instead of singing." and Jaejoong added, "I agree." in Korean. Three of them laughed at our fail and Junsu literally came out of his chair and laughed + facepalm. Still, he said that we're "Velli good".

Ken also did mentioned how there were overseas fans who flew here just to see them. It was normal in the beginning, but everyone went high and screamed that we were from the Moon, and at the end, everyone in the hall came from Korea. The boys laughed at us, especially Soulmate. OD

Jaejoong introduced the next song they are going to perform -- "Chajatta". That's when the 'W' project started.



We were singing along with them especially the chorus, and it's fucking amazing. It was also kind of amusing that we sing a Korean song better than an English one.

There's another video after this which was bitter-sweet especially Jaejoong's answer. He was talking about how he couldn't sing forever, how he wanted to work hard and make a difference.

They know the clock is ticking, that time doesn't wait for man, and here they are, striving hard for their dreams, and thus they won't have any regrets. I find that so admirable, and I cried, for the third time.



At the end of Ayyy Girl which Jaejoong was so sensual while dancing to the rap for the first minute, I love his high pitch as well, he was.... *insert suitable words here*, we raised up the "Keep in Mind that I Love You" banner. At first I thought the banner was completely stupid, but the feeling was so good when everyone was doing it together. It was so heart-warming, and Jaejoong was nodding his head as if telling us, "I understand......" and Yoochun screamed, "Always Keep The Faith!"

Lastly, they did Empty Remix! It was the most awesomest, wonderfulest part of the whole showcase. Yoochun told us to stand up, and everyone started running all the way close to the stage. Everyone did the "traditonal" 'Jump Jump Jump', it was so much fun. I could only watch this atmosphere in my DVDs, I never thought it would feel even more amazing that I had expected. Despite that we couldn't really see their faces that time, but it doesn't matter anymore, we are one red ocean, jumping together, like a heartbeat, beating together in sync.


I think that idols these days follow what they were told to, their choreography for every performances were the same. But I don't think music should be in this way, it is something which has no rules, no boundaries, no edge. Like how we didn't care about the no-standing-up rule, how they forgotten their dance choreography, how Junsu was running around the stage, Soulmate were jumping and how they neglected the lyrics when all of us were screaming, "Jump! Jump! Jump!" instead. Because we were happy that time, we show that and that we were enjoying ourselves at that moment, that second.

I think music should be something like this. Our boys had did it. I hope that they will be able to fly even higher in the future. You'll have our support always.

"Keep in Mind that I Love You"
"Always Keep The Faith"
161010



p/s: pictures taken at the expo hall itself (except the first photo) are not by me. i've no idea who were the photo-takers, but do ask if you want to be credited here.